I can't make it go away
by kneelinfrontofthequeen
Summary: Regina always takes all the blows. What if it's not as easy for her as everyone thinks it is? Emma finds the Queen in a terrible state. Post 3.20. Non-romantic SwanQueen (at least for now).
1. Chapter 1

Robin doesn't show up in this chapter, and I am not sure whether I will be paying any attention to him later. SwanQueen, for now in the most innocent way.  
Set somewhere after 3.20 – at least the first chapter is.

I don't own anything, ABC does.

 **Sorry, not beta-read *you've been warned***

* * *

Emma ran up to the porch of the house on 108, Mifflin Street and knocked several times. When no answer followed, she knocked once again, this time louder. Regina's car was parked in front of the house, she should have been home. Why wasn't she opening the fucking door? Emma was beginning to feel really worried now. Of course, had she not worried before, she wouldn't be standing here in the first place.  
She knew something was off the moment Henry came up to her and said that Regina had suggested meeting with him for dinner on another night. He said that she sounded alright over the phone, just a bit tired, and since fatigue was actually the excuse that the Queen used to get out of the dinner, Henry didn't doubt her words. But Emma definitely knew better. She knew that it required much more than a bad day to make Regina give up an opportunity to spend some time with her son. And so here she was, standing impatiently outside the Mayor's house, having sneaked out of the loft for a run. And she did run indeed, her guts telling her that something was wrong and thus hurrying her along.  
When no answer came for the second knocking as well, Emma reached for her gun, grateful that she had brought it with her. Her magic was there, within her, but if she had to be honest with herself, without Regina's guidance the only weapon she could really use to protect herself was the gun. And yes, she had already been considering Regina not being able to guide her now or not being there for it - two scenarios which included terrible things that could have happened or be happening to Regina right now.  
Her hand on the gun, Emma turned the door knob. The door squeaked slightly but opened easily. The house was completely still. Debating with herself about doing a quick silent check on the whole house and shouting the name of the mayor in order to learn her whereabouts faster, the sheriff chose the latter – just because whoever could be hiding there, sneaking on magicians isn't really possible and if there was someone without magic in this house, well, that risk she could take.  
"Regina? Are you here?! Regina!", her voice echoed in the hallway of the mansion and she nearly missed the weak answer coming from upstairs.  
"I'm in the library", Emma let out a breath she didn't know she was holding. Regina's alive and in the house, it's already something. The sheriff flew up the staircase and froze. She had absolutely no idea where the library was in this huge house. An open door at the end of the floor was a guess – and a lucky one. Emma stormed into it with her gun ready to take its aim just to find Regina alone in the room lying on the couch, a blanket covering her from neck to toes.  
"Regina? Regina! What the hell is going on? We've been worried sick about you. Why did you cancel the dinner with Henry?", Swan poured her endless list of questions on Regina who didn't move even an inch from her pose on the couch.  
"I told you, I was tired, now can you please just leave?", her usually powerful voice was bleak and weak, there was even no usual edge to the phrase she said, and Regina herself didn't look too good. Something was off, Emma was sure now, she just couldn't figure out what it was. Yet.  
"I could have bought you tale about fatigue if I didn't know better. You should be deadly tired to cancel a dinner with Henry. And since when are you so tired that you can't even answer the door? I've been standing on the porch for ages", Emma put her gun back into the holster and looked around. The room was full of books, just as a library should be, and there was absolutely nothing strange about it… Apart, probably, from the glass which was scattered all around the floor next to the couch, "And what is this glass all about? Were you hoping that I'm going to step on it and what, cut my shoe?"  
Emma sat back on her heels, carefully picked one glass fragment und smelled it.  
"Whiskey, huh? So what, are you drunk? Did you crush the glass against the floor? What the hell, Regina?!", the blonde was definitely confused. Confused and irritated, and this was always a dangerous combination for her.  
"Of course I'm not drunk, Miss Swan, I don't drink that much; don't judge others by yourself", Regina eyed the woman squinting, her expression wary and even a bit… frightened. And a frightened Evil Queen is, well, frightening.  
"OK, you're not drunk but what's the matter then, Regina? Answer me.", her patience was running out, it was already practically non-existent. Regina looked like she needed help, and fast, but how on Earth could she help her without knowing what the matter was?! Emma eyed the lying woman once again, and some vague suspicions started crawling into her mind. Regina was probably never a woman of too many movements, it would be unseemly for the Queen, but now she didn't move a muscle since Emma had entered the room – and that was already outright weird.  
"What do you have under this blanket? What is it?!", the sheriff made an abrupt step towards the couch and yanked off the cover.  
Whatever she expected to see, it wasn't there. There was, well, just Regina, Regina's body, legs, hands… Emma, who was examining the Queen from head to foot, frowned. Regina looked alright, if slightly pale, but her hands, they were shaking violently, even though they were pressed against the couch palms down.  
"Regina… Regina, what's wrong? What is it? What's happening?", the sheriff kneeled down in front of the couch and reached out to touch a trembling hand but stopped shortly. Touching something which doesn't look healthy is not the best idea in the land with magic and curses and poisons.  
"Nothing is happening, Miss Swan, everything has already happened", Regina turned away, choosing to look at the ceiling rather than at the blonde kneeling next to her. "And I'm not poisonous, if that's what you think."  
"I don't think anything, I don't know what to think! Regina, tell me! You are not poisonous, what are you?" Emma pressed, looking Regina straight in the eyes, hoping for her to turn back. The Queen, however, remained with her eyes looking elsewhere. Her jaw moved as if she was about to say something snappy but Emma could actually see that Regina was blinking away the tears.  
"I'm ill", it was barely a whisper but it was enough for Emma to hear.  
"Ill… Like seriously ill?", the sheriff was still trying to process the received information, worry creasing her face.  
"If it was a child's game, I would be having dinner with my son now, not be stuck with you and your dumb questions", the sharp comment lost a lot of its sharpness due to the fact that it was delivered in a baffled tone.  
"Yeah… yeah, sorry for that. But what, what's wrong? Are you in pain?"  
"My head is pounding, but that may very well be due to the fact that I have to lie still and can't just walk away from this awful conversation we're having"  
"Why is that? Why do you have to lie still?", Emma was desperately trying to get some information out of the Queen and she was going to succeed even if it meant questioning her every word.  
"Because I can't stand up, you moron!", out of all possible answers to her question, this definitely wasn't the one Emma expected. She barely even heard the insult, she was so taken aback by what Regina just said.  
"You… you can't?", once again, she just had to make sure that she heard Regina correctly but the question was extra anyway since she spotted a predatory tear making its way through the cheek of the Queen. Regina could feel it, no doubt, since she bit her lip and tried to lift her hand to her face to wipe it away. However, the violently shaking hand only just about lifted itself from the couch and fell back twice as quickly.  
The sheriff still couldn't quite embrace what was happening in front of her, otherwise she would be heartbroken already. The struggle of the Queen to raise her hand didn't go unnoticed though.  
"How... Why?.. What?! We need to get you to the hospital!", the questions were leading nowhere, but the hospital and the doctor, even if it was Whale, were definitely a good idea.  
"No, we don't. WE don't have to do anything, Miss Swan, but YOU need to leave.", her voice sounded hurt and hollow and, well, broken.  
"I am not going anywhere! Are you out of your mind, thinking that I'll leave you alone in the state you're in?! You can't even raise your hand!"  
"No need to remind me about it, it's not something I can easily forget."  
"We need to get you to..."  
"No, we don't! They can't do anything. Whale can't do anything."  
"So you went there, didn't you? You went to Whale?!", if it was worrisome before, now it was outright terrifying. Regina never-ever went to get help, and she hated the Frankenstein guy, so if she broke those two unspoken rules of hers, well, it must have been really bad. Of course it was, Emma mentally kicked herself, she's fucking lying here and she can't move, what can be worse? "OK, forget I asked that. Is it... Does it - whatever it is - happen often?"  
"Every now and then, Miss Swan, but I still fail to see how it is any concern of yours."  
"Well, whatever thoughts you are entertaining in your head right now, I do care about you, and so does Henry, and so do my parents, so..."  
"If you ever say a word of what you just saw, I'll rip your heart out and make meatballs out of it", Regina tried oh so hard to behave like everything was as usual but it simply wasn't, she was lying helpless on her couch and her dark promise wasn't at all terrifying though Emma could see that the Evil Queen part did mean every bit of it.  
"Hey, calm down, no need for new fancy recipes", Emma raised her hands in defiance, "I promise, I won't tell anyone unless you agree to it."  
"Oh, and I am just supposed to believe you because your family has such a lovely history of keeping my secrets".  
"No, because I quite fancy my heart being inside my chest - and because I am not a spoiled princess of the age of ten. That - and you don't really have much choice either... You... You've said it had happened before. How did it go away? I mean, it certainly did, I saw you out and about just yesterday."  
"It gets better... eventually."  
"And how long till it does?"  
"I have no idea but I guess I will wait and see. You, however, are free to go now."  
"I told you, Regina, I am not leaving, I am staying till you get better and then we talk.", Emma finally reached out and put her hand on the Regina's trembling one. It was deadly cold, and even Emma's touch couldn't stop it from shaking. "Oh my God, are you cold?"  
"No, Miss Swan, I used all the powers I had left to summon a blanket because I was unbelievably hot"  
Emma's eyes drifted to the blanket which she had thrown on the floor several minutes ago. "Oh, I'm sorry", she quickly grabbed it and stood up, throwing it over the Queen's slender frame which looked even smaller on that huge couch of hers. "Is this better?"  
"Yes. Thank you", came a stifled response.  
"Do you need another one? I can fetch it if you tell me where to look for it."  
"In my bedroom there is one on my bed... First door on the left after the stairs", after a short contemplation about whether she's willing to accept this help – because it was damn obvious that she needed another blanket, she couldn't be thinking about it – Regina did choose to accept it, and Emma was glad she did.  
"OK, I'll be right back", said Emma already halfway through the door.  
She had obviously never been in Regina's room before and she was definitely curious but she would be damned if she spent even an extra moment there to study the interior. She did spend a couple of extra minutes on fetching a bed warmer from under the silk sheets and filling it with hot water in the adjoining bathroom though.  
When entering the library, she was half-expecting Regina to disappear but the mayor was still there, lying on the same couch with the same painful expression on her face. "Hey, I've fetched this thing for you as well", Emma placed the hot-water bottle on the couch next to Regina and unfolded the second blanket. It was heavier than the first one and, hopefully, warmer, so the sheriff threw it over the woman and picked up the bottle, "Take…"  
She trailed off, realizing that she would have to be the one to put the warmer next to the Queen's body since Regina herself wasn't much for moving right now. "Let me… I will just put it on your belly between the two blankets, and if we can just put your hands near it…", she bent over the woman but didn't touch her just yet. "May I…?"  
Regina nodded silently, and so Emma folded back both blankets. She blinked once before touching Regina's hand once again. It was trembling violently and it was still cold but not as cold as a couple of minutes earlier. Regina winced and tried lifting her hands on her own. She succeeded, Emma's hand just hovering over them until they took their place on her chest. Emma pulled the blankets back in their place, putting the warmer between them. "Is it okay so? Are you warm?"  
"Yes, Miss Swan, thank you", Regina's answer was as stiff and forced as it gets which by no means came as a surprise to Emma. She couldn't even comprehend how difficult it must have been right now for the Queen to accept her help – and she probably wouldn't be able to do it until she knew all the details of the Queen's condition, whatever it was.  
"OK, then let me call my mum – don't worry, I won't tell a thing, I'll just tell her that I'm OK and alive – and after that I can probably invite myself for a cup of tea, what do you say?"  
"What I say is irrelevant, Miss Swan, you're gonna stay anyway, and right now I can't force you to leave"  
"Then it's my lucky day, Your Majesty. Call me if you need anything, I'll be right outside", with that Emma walked away and closed the door behind her back.

When she came back five minutes later after her conversation with Snow, the Queen was sleeping peacefully.

* * *

 **So, what do you think? I do love a good critic and any suggestions are also welcomed.**  
 **And I am sorry that I haven't updated my another story yet but this one was just so eager to get out... I'm working on both of them now)**


	2. Chapter 2

So, here is the second one. I hope it's not going to be a disappointment, I would hate that. But I would love to hear what you think anyway, so read and review.  
Oh, and thanks to everyone who subscribed or pinned it to favorites, it was super sweet of you)

Oh, and if you happen to enjoy listening to music while reading, try turning on _Sheryl Crow, Keith Urban & Kid Rock "Lean on Me"_, I think it fits really well.

 **Disclaimer** : Still don't own anything, song included.

And it's still not beta-read, and I'm still sorry in advance xD

* * *

Emma was helping herself to the fifth cup of tea in the kitchen when she heard footsteps in the hall. She dumped the kettle on the counter and raced in there just in time to see Regina making the last step down the stairs. The mayor was wrapped in one of the blankets from upstairs, her arms hidden and folded under it, and she was leaning against the wall while ascending in order to steady herself. Upon stepping away from it, however, she wavered and it really looked like she was going to fall. Emma lunged forward and caught the Queen in her arms just in time.

"I have no idea how you managed to climb down the stairs but it was the stupidest thing to do! You could have fallen", the sheriff could feel her heart racing inside her chest. The Queen did give her quite a scare once again.

"Oh, please, Miss Swan, don't act like you wouldn't be happy if I just smashed my head against those lovely stairs", Regina sounded a bit better than earlier, meaning that her sharp insults were getting, well, sharper.

"I don't know why I even bother", Swan grumbled, pushing Regina in the direction of the living room, one arm still around her waist in order to support the mayor, "Let's get you seated first, Your Majesty, and after that I'll just smash your head against something heavy by myself".

They came up to the sofa and Emma let go of the Queen, eyeing warily how the latter lowered herself on the couch – gracefully, as usual, but with a visible effort. The sheriff took a couple of steps back and folded her arms on her chest.

"So, now the rules, Your Majesty. You sit here and do not move until I come back. And when I do, we talk. And then I set all the other rules because your rules, as we've just seen, tend to get you into dangerous situations", she set off immediately, not bothering to hear through Regina's speech about "taking the stairs down not being a dangerous situation".

The sheriff came to the kitchen and stood still for a moment. She needed Regina to let her help her, to talk, to fucking realize that Emma cared about her, not just for Henry's sake but for hers as well. And for that she needed to stay calm. They both did, sure, but Emma needed to be the rock for Regina to lean against, to trust, and for that she needed to ignore all the insults and pushing away which were sure to come her way. With such thoughts she fetched another mug from the dish drying rack and poured some camomile tea into it (she did some digging through the countless teas in Regina's cabinets earlier while the Queen was asleep).

It took her five minutes top to brace herself and make her way back into the living room with two mugs in her hands. She was relieved to see Regina still sitting on the couch and tried not to flinch under the mayor's eyes while putting the mugs on the glass coffee table. She could feel Regina's eyes boring a hole in her face as she sat on the other end of the couch, tucking one leg under herself and finally turning to face the Queen. The glare which Emma received made her forget all the words which she had prepared in the kitchen, and she lowered her eyes apologetically.

"OK, listen, I'm sorry I was so rude… but I really, really worry about you, and I'd really hate seeing you hurt, and I really need you to believe me on this one. Please?", sheriff looked at Regina pleadingly, and, although the Queen did not honor her with a reply, she didn't throw back any witty remarks, and it was as good for a start as it gets.

For several long moments the room fell into an awkward silence while Emma collected herself in order to approach the difficult subject.

"So... I'm not a doctor of any kind but from what I've seen saying that the... the problem is neurological is a good guess, isn't it?", she looked up at the mayor for confirmation. Regina nodded stiffly, reluctant to make an eye contact. Emma sighed, thinking that extracting the information out of the Queen at this rate could take several hours of this unpleasant conversation but she did know better than to press the matter at hand, so she just went on with the questions.

"And how... when did it start?", she had a pretty good guess, actually, but she was trying to get Regina to open up, so the mayor had to say it.

"Mendell.", she hated the man, that much was clear, but there was something else in the way she said his name. Guilt? Emma didn't quite have the time to dwell on that right now but she promised herself to come back to it later. For now her suspicions about electro-torture and neurological problems being connected just got a confirmation.

"Electrocution? But... But I thought that Blue Fairy..."

"Cured me? Oh, it would be too good for this pathetic wand-user", it was very clear indeed that Regina had yet to forgive the Fairy for denying her the possibility of having a happy ending some thirty-odd years ago, "All she did was wave her useless wand and say that I'll be OK given time and rest. Too bad I got none."

Emma thought back to what happened after Charmings rescued Regina from Greg and Tamara.

"The diamond, you used a lot of energy to contain it... And then saving Henry in Netherland...", now that she thought about it, she could see Regina's hands trembling ever so slightly on all of these occasions but at the time she thought it to be a normal reaction to a powerful magic outburst. She wished she had known better.

"And then undoing the curse and giving you and my son false memories...", the Queen tuned in surprisingly, apparently relieving not only emotional but physical sufferings.

"Was it like this in the Enchanted Forest?", Emma thought on the year which had passed since the first curse was reversed.

"No, it… it was never like this. It was never that bad", Regina stiffened, clearly remembering the state she was in several hours ago.

"But it was bad?", the sheriff had her own train of thoughts.

"Even if it was, it was so much easier there, without you poking around", the Queen suddenly got all defensive again. Emma rolled her eyes.

"OK, OK, I get it, you're not happy with the interference but you shall have it anyway. So, was it bad back there?"

"How do you think it was, Miss Swan, with my crazy sister assaulting us in every possible way and me getting more and more helpless after each time I had to use magic?", she bit her tongue but it was too late. Emma had heard everything and, judging from the look on her face, she wasn't going to let it go.  
"So that's what triggers it?! You using magic?"  
"Not just magic, no. Physical stress also counts… or so Whale thinks."  
"Physical… Like flying through the clock of the clock tower or being thrown against the car?"  
"Yes, somewhere along these lines, Miss Swan"

"So this is why you couldn't move today, because you fought with Zelena yesterday?", the realization hit hard. Regina knew what was going to happen, and she still faced her crazy sister. And due to some stupid actions on Emma's and Hook's sides, she had to do the fighting for all of them. And today it cost her ability to move. Meaning, she did know yesterday that this was going to end this way, didn't she?

"And when did you go to Whale?", it's not that Regina fighting was such a heroic act, after all, this wicked sister of hers wanted to destroy her, but if she knew what she was doing, it gave all her actions a tint of sacrifice.

"As soon as we came from Neverland. He ran his tests then. And… he paid me a visit after we got back from the Enchanted Forest", her voice was tense with the memories of that conversation.  
"So, he just called in and casually mentioned that nothing can be done?"  
"Why, don't sound so shocked, we were never friends with him, I haven't expected anything else. I do imagine he couldn't wait to tell me the whole year, he just left the results here in Storybrooke."  
"OK, OK, he is a bastard, I get it. But what exactly did he say?"  
"I wasn't writing down after him…", started Regina but trailed off meeting Emma's gaze. The Queen breathed in a deep breath and studied the ceiling for several long moments before finally saying what Emma wanted to hear all along. "He said that the damage was permanent, that too much time has passed to reverse the process and that I could only pray for it not to become worse."

The sheriff stared at her in disbelief. It couldn't be happening. It sounded too bad, it sounded too awful… Her mind was racing in search of answers.  
"Wait, did Whale just tell you all this without giving you anything?!", the silence was the most truthful answer to that one, so Emma went on. "Regina, did he give you something? Some pills?!"

The Queen nodded.

"And do they help?" It was only when Regina did not dignify this question with a reply that Emma understood.

"You never took them?! God, what's wrong with you?! It... it renders you so helpless, and you don't even try to fight!"

"They... They can't cure it."

"Oh, so this is what it is all about? Finding the cure?! And if there's none, then it's not worth fighting?", this "all-or-nothing" approach wasn't lost on Emma as well, but for those from the Enchanted Forest - her parents, Regina, Rumple, damn, everyone - it was nearly a rule, and Emma was starting to hate it. "Where are they?"

The mayor looked silently in front of her.

"The pills, Regina!", she wasn't asking anymore, she was demanding.

"In the kitchen, second drawer to the left from the sink", by the time mayor got to the end of the directions, Emma was already halfway to the kitchen.

Sheriff yanked the drawer open. It was filled with the pills of all possible kinds.

"Which one, Regina?!", Emma cried out, digging through the contents of the drawer.

"Not open one, Miss Swan."

"Regina!"

"Small white cylinder", Queen's voice sounded both irritated and defeated, and Emma's heart ached at the sound.

She brought the pills with her to the living room and opened the pills container.

"How many of them and how often?", the sheriff raised her eyebrows questioningly.

"I have no intention of taking them, Miss Swan, so the amount may very well be to your liking"

Emma let out a deep sigh.

"What again, Regina? You've told me you're gonna take them"

"No, I've never said such a thing, Miss Swan, you must have mixed up your thoughts with the reality"

"That may be but just because my thoughts match the only reality I'm going to accept. Take them"

The Queen shook her head.

"Fine, just tell me why not?!", when no answer followed, Emma clenched her fists. She was getting tired of this particular scene. The Queen of the Enchanted Forest behaving like a small child and refusing to take medicine was just so fucking... not enchanting.

"Not making it any easier for me, are you", sheriff mumbled and then it hit her.

"I know! I know, you don't want to take them because you're afraid!"

"Well, looks like you're at the wrong once again, Miss Swan, I am most definitely not afraid of some pills - even though they may very well be Whale's way of getting rid of me"

"No, no, I didn't say that you're afraid of pills, what I said was that you're afraid they're not going to work", the near terrified expression on mayor's face said that this time sheriff hit home. "Oh, Regina..."

She sat back on her heels and looked the mayor straight in the eyes. When she tried to avert her gaze, Emma went as far as turning the Queen's head back by putting a finger under her chin.

"Look at me, please; listen to me. I have really no idea how scary it must be for you but I sure as hell do not think any less of you because - even if you don't admit it - you're afraid. All this scares the shit out of me, and I'm not even the one suffering. I can see that it's bad, it's probably even worse than I realize now, but… but it's not a reason to lie down and die. I don't want it to be one of my mother's hope speeches which you hate and I can barely stand but you should have hope. And if you don't want to place your faith in me, or in Henry, or, even more so, in Whale, then at least place it in you doing a great job while casting the curse and giving him a medical degree. Try to hope for the best. It **may** still be bad after it, I know, but without hope it **will** be bad", she was breathing rapidly after delivering this hope speech, her blue eyes still locked on the brown ones in silent plea. Plea to let her help. "So, Regina, how many and how often?"

The room fell silent and the Queen lowered her eyes. Emma began mentally slapping herself for being such a naïve daughter of her mother when Regina suddenly spoke.

"One pill twice a day", Emma was so startled that it took her a couple of seconds to realize what was the mayor talking about. But as soon as she did, she grinned. She won, however small the victory was. And, much more importantly, this victory would benefit Regina in the end.  
"One pill twice? Well, since you've missed one today in the morning, I think no harm will be done if we give it a jump start and you take two now", sheriff shook the pills container until two small white pills were sitting on her palm. She looked down at the coffee table. "I guess your tea is now cold enough to help the pills down without burning your throat. I'd rather hate you turning into a fire-spitting dragon."

Emma looked at Regina half-expectantly, half-encouragingly, waiting for a woman to take the mug and stretching her arm to give her the pills. When the mayor didn't move, Emma's stare became annoyed once again, and she had already opened her mouth to speak when she understood. Regina's hands were still under the blanket, folded on her chest, and it most likely meant that the trembling didn't go away.

And that's how she shattered that glass upstairs, not threw it against the floor, just couldn't hold it. Emma's heart squeezed in pain. It must have been terrible. It was terrible! How could she ever do something to help? Could she do something at all?

"Do you need some help?", sheriff offered before really contemplating how it could be done. The images of her bringing the mug to Regina's lips that flooded her mind just a couple of seconds later were as painful and awful as they could possibly get. Such a humiliation was not something the Queen would willingly expose herself to, and, honestly, Emma had absolutely no desire to subject her to it.

Instead of answering the question, the mayor shifted her shoulders, making a blanket fall off on her lap. She unfolded her arms only to reveal the hands shaking just as bad as before. The Queen bit her lip, and Emma could say by the look on her face that it took all she had just to try. She slowly stretched out her right arm, bending forward so that the mug would be in her reach. She was trying desperately to control the shaking as her hand came closer and closer to the mug but the instant her fingers touched its surface she nearly sent it flying across the glass table – and she would have, had Emma not lunged forward and steadied it at the last moment. Regina jerked her hand away, her face contorted with pain.

"I can't. I can't! I can't get a hold of anything", starting as a whisper, her voice grew stronger only to be completely muffled by the forearm which she brought to her lips as if to prevent herself from shouting. Emma stood frozen for a couple of seconds, watching the heart-wrenching scene in front of her, and after that swiftly moved around the coffee table and plumped herself on the couch next to Regina. She delicately touched the woman's arm before lowering it by the elbow. After that sheriff stretched her own arm alongside Regina's and cupped her hand with hers. She moved their arms together towards the coffee table and grasped the mug with Regina's fingers, squeezing it tight for her.

"Now you can"

* * *

 **Up next** :

"What did you do in the Enchanted Forest to feel better?"  
"Had a bath"


	3. Chapter 3

**I'm so terribly sorry that it took me so long to update. It was a long month for me, and some other stories got in a way, but I will try and update more often from now on, I promise!**

 **Huge thanks to everyone who read and reviewed, and followed, and favorited this story, it means a lot to me that someone actually reads it and enjoys reading it)  
**

 **Sorry, still not beta-read.** **  
**

 **Disclaimer: As usual, do not own anything except from my mistakes.**

* * *

Emma cautiously raised her eyes to look at the Queen's face. Regina was biting her lip, blinking way too often, and altogether looked like she was on the verge of tears. Seeing this invincible woman in such a state was... Well, suffice to say Emma would do about everything in her power so that her son would never have to see this. The best she could do right now was pretend not to notice and try to keep up appearances.

Sheriff awkwardly bent her free arm under the one which was locked with Regina's and opened the palm to reveal two small pills still sitting on it. The Queen eyed them warily.

"I... I can't", she breathed out, obviously cursing Emma for being unable to understand the situation. It took all the power of sheriff's will not to roll her eyes. Once again she could see just too well that Regina was always, always this "all-or-nothing" person: when the Queen had power, she thought herself all-powerful; when she didn't have at least a part of it, she momentarily supposed she had no power at all. This time, though, Regina was partially right, there was no way she could pick those pills with her trembling fingers. Well, that simply meant they had to find some other way to do it.

"Just open your palm", Emma suggested mildly. Regina shot a glance at the sheriff but did just that. The way her open palm trembled almost convinced Emma that this also wasn't the way for them to do it but, well, it wouldn't kill them to try. Emma carefully put the pills on the mayor's outstretched palm, right in the middle of it, and watched as Regina, as if in slow motion, brought the hand up to her face and nearly sucked the pills in not quite queenly and graceful manner. As soon as she did it, the Queen turned to face Emma, checking her reaction to what had just happened. Her eyes were troubled, as if she was expecting to find disgust on another woman's face. She found none, of course, and then she continued to look for pity, because for her it was the second worst thing after disgust to see directed at her. When she realized that there was no pity on sheriff's face either, just a small smile of encouragement, which Emma was offering shyly, Regina's features relaxed somehow, and Emma smiled a bit more freely.

"Let's wash them down now", moving both of theirs hands, Emma slowly bent them and brought the mug closer to the Queen's lips but stayed true to her intention of not humiliating the woman by making her drink out of her hands and just served as a retainer, squeezing the mug while Regina tilted it and made several gulps. The mayor also managed to direct their linked hands down to the coffee table, and Swan slowly released the mug but her fingers lingered on Regina's hand. Despite the fact that the blanket still ay in a heap on the Queen's lap, Emma could feel that the older woman was shivering and her hands were ice cold.

"Shall I turn the heating on?" the sheriff asked, slowly releasing her hold of Regina's arm and already pushing herself from the couch.

"You can't", Regina looked tiredly at Emma, why couldn't the blonde just go away, why couldn't she simply stay away in the first place? The sheriff wasn't wanted here, the Queen thought, trying to persuade herself more than anything else. She had been doing fine on her own before Emma came, hadn't she? Regina contemplated mouthing all these thoughts but just didn't have the strength to do it right now.

"What do you mean I can't? Regina, I know how the central heating works, I am perfectly capable of…", Emma started, getting pissed off by the fact that the mayor thought her not competent enough to deal with one heater handle, but Regina cut her off.

"I mean you can't turn it on because it's already on, Miss Swan, full-blast", she said wearily, no usual sharp edge to her words, "I was cold yesterday, so I pumped it up."

Emma cursed herself for being so harsh, instantly realizing why she was sweating while wearing only a black top and thin jeans. "I'm sorry", she murmured, desperately feeling the need to do something, to make everything right, but nothing came to her mind. Nothing except for one thing. Regina had been dealing with it for more than a year already, Emma reminded herself, so she might have some clues to what should be done.

"What did you do in the Enchanted Forest to feel better?" it was a good question, in the magical land with medicine nearly nonexistent the Queen had to have her ways.

Regina tilted her head, debating with herself whether or not she should give an honest answer. Emma's persuasion seemed to have at least some effect, since the Queen decided in favor of answering.

"Had a bath", it was by no means a cure, but with nothing better available the warm water usually both relaxed her tense muscles and helped her calm down. The effect wasn't in no way drastic but it was still usually quite tangible: after bath her legs would hold her if before they didn't, her arms would be warm if before they were ice cold, and the pain which, contrary to what the Queen had told Emma several hours earlier, was usually debilitating would be at least manageable.

"Cool, let's do it", Emma was already on her feet, ready to jump into action when she was met with an evil glare from the Queen.

"Miss Swan, I…", she was unwilling to do it, this much was obvious, but, ignorant to the reasons behind Regina's hesitancy, Emma was having none of it.

"Really, Regina, you're still unwell and cold, and I fail to see how any harm can come to you from soaking in water. So bubbles or no bubbles?" when no reply followed, the sheriff murmured "no bubbles then" under her nose and sprinted off up the stairs.

Once again in Regina's bedroom, Emma went straight to the adjoining bathroom and turned on the tap. While the tub was being filled with water, the sheriff made her way back to the living room. Regina was sitting rigidly on the couch, her trembling hands folded under the blanket that still lay on her legs.

"Can you stand up?" Emma asked, coming closer, picking up the blanket and disorderly folding it before throwing it back on the couch. She didn't look the Queen in the eyes, trying to give her some space to breathe but kept an eye on Regina's form nonetheless, ready to assist in any way if needed.

"Of course I can, Miss Swan", came an instant reply. The Queen, however, didn't move a muscle. Then why don't you fucking move, Emma wanted to ask two full minutes after Regina's sharp answer, but suddenly thought better of it, when the realization hit. Regina couldn't ask for help. That was it, and nothing more, just the product of her upbringing, the result of her mother repeating that she can never be weak. The sheriff was starting to understand the Queen's inner demons, or so she thought, sitting back on her heels in front of the older woman.

"OK, it looks like we are going to make those rules as we go along, or we'll never get to anything. So, first and foremost. If you need help, or you're not sure you don't need it, or if you suddenly come to realize that you need it even after you said you didn't, ask for it. I mean it, Regina, there is absolutely nothing wrong with asking for help, not for a Queen, not for anyone. I know, hell, everyone knows how tough you are and that you can deal with anything on your own; but I am here to help, I've said that much already, so you can ask. Or, I dunno, just say my name, if "please, help me" sounds too humiliating. So, let's try again", she stood up and looked the Queen straight in the eyes. "Can you stand up?"

Regina let out an irritated huff. She was mad at Emma for reading her thoughts so easily, she had to be, she told herself, but she was just too tired to tell her that. Plus, Swan was right, she couldn't stand up on her own, or at least she wasn't sure she could, so that warmth somewhere near her heart had nothing to do with it feeling good to have someone to take care of her, it didn't feel good at all, Emma was irritating as hell, it was just that she came in handy.

"Emma", Regina averted her gaze but slowly raised an arm from her lap and stretched it out in the direction of the savior. Calling sheriff's name out loud was absolutely unnecessary since she was standing mere feet away from the couch, but, as Emma realized it, it was more than just Regina playing "I know your name" game, it was Regina trying to play by the rules - or, technically speaking, by the one and only rule which existed so far - which Emma offered, and that meant a lot.

So sheriff hurried to take the Queen's hand and supported her under the elbow when Regina got on her feet, steadying her as she swayed slightly.

"Great, now let's get you upstairs. Can you make it?"

"I don't know", it took Regina some time to reply, and when she did, her voice sounded so terribly insecure that it broke Emma's heart. She didn't really know what she would do if Regina had said 'no', probably tried to carry her upstairs bridal style, but she would rather not risk it if she could help it.

"OK, well, let's give it a try then, but if you feel like you need a break or like you can't do it anymore, just tell me, OK?" no reply followed, but Emma decided it was a good sign and wrapped her arm around the Queen's waist. Regina huffed defeatedly but didn't try to get out of the embrace and just leaned against Emma before making the first step in the direction of the stairs.

It took them literally forever to get to Regina's bedroom. They stopped on their tracks several times (not that Regina said something, she most definitely did not, but when Emma could feel that the mayor's body trembling more, she just stopped and let the Queen to gather her strength). Somewhere half way through the stairs Emma belatedly realized that there probably was a bathroom downstairs as well, and so there was actually no need to torture Regina by climbing those obnoxious stairs, but it was already too late to go back, so she just had to take comfort in the fact that Regina would probably be glad to sleep in her own bed later this night.

When they finally made it to the master bedroom, Emma led Regina to the bed and helped her sit down before rushing to the bathroom to check on the water. The tub was nearly full, so the savior had to plunge her arms in it in order to let the water out a bit. It took her probably a couple of minutes to do it and return back.

As soon as Emma left the room, the Queen managed to get up. She had to do it, Emma wouldn't back up, and she couldn't let her undress her, no way. She focused on what she wanted to achieve and waved her trembling hands. Her wrinkled mayoral clothes disappeared, and at the same second Regina was dressed in her bikini.

She was exhausted by using magic and climbing up the stairs, so when she felt her calf muscles were involuntarily contracting and, shortly afterwards, her legs refusing to hold her and her knees buckling, she wasn't in the least surprised and braced herself for yet another encounter with the floor - but it never happened. Instead she felt the warmth of a body beside her and the arms wrapping around her midsection.

"What do you think you're doing?" exclaimed Emma, trying to hold Regina upfront and step around her at the same time. Once she succeeded in doing so, she gave the Queen a death stare, "Why on earth have you used magic? You could barely stand even without this exhaustion! And what have you needed it for, for God's sake? Don't tell me you used it in order to get into... a bathing suit?!"

The woman in her arms was actually half naked, Emma noticed in shock, and averted her gaze, trying not to stare on the perfect body in front of her and not to concentrate too hard on the soft skin under her fingers.

"Well, you were being quite insistent on giving me a bath, and there was no way I would let you undress me, so I had to do it", Regina hissed angrily, her voice hardly a whisper. If she was tired before, now she could scarcely hold herself upright, the only reasons she was still awake were pulsating pain in her arms and dull throbbing in her legs, which were still incapable of holding her weight.

"I... I didn't think about it", Emma looked down at the floor, suddenly realizing what it was all about.

"Why so shocked? You never do, Miss Swan"

"Hey, can't you be just a bit nicer? I'm trying, you know, it's not like I've had a lot of experience with...", sheriff stopped abruptly, trying to think of the words to say that wouldn't insult the Queen. The Queen beat her to it.

"...Taking care of an invalid, yes, that you haven't", her voice was bitter, and it was a bitterness directed at herself, not at the others.

"Regina, that's not what I meant"

"But this is exactly what it is. What I am. An invalid", the mayor bit her lip, using all her strength to hold tears at bay.

Emma opened her mouth, wanting to say something, to contradict Regina, but she felt how the Queen was sinking down more and more by the minute in her arms, and how her own arms were trembling, so she decided that there were more pressing matters to deal with, for instance, not ending up together in one heap on the floor.

"Let's get you to the bathroom first", the sheriff mumbled and felt how her muscle tensed as she slowly made her way to the adjoining room, now fully supporting the Queen's weight while the other woman just scarcely managed to drag one foot after another. By the time they reached the bath both women were panting.

"OK, just one last move", Emma encouraged Regina, encouraging herself as well. The sheriff held the older woman upright, while she carefully swayed her legs over the border and then gracelessly sank to the tub's bottom. Emma then hurriedly fetched the bath pillow from the stand near the sink and plopped it on the side of the wall, so that Regina could rest against the ledge. Emma herself sank on the bath rug and leaned against the ledge on the outer side of the tub. She breathed in and out a couple of times, getting her thoughts together.

* * *

 **Please, let me know what you think! All constructive criticism is always welcome)**


End file.
